Marfon McBrable

There have been some good running backs in the history of college football.

Vincent "Bo" Jackson. Harold "Red" Grange. Ron "Which Way To The Buffet" Dayne. Adrian "Adrian" Peterson.

Of course, these guys all sucked compared to the legendary, albeit currently geriatric Trojans, OJ Simpson, Marcus Allen, and Charles White.

But one running back stands head and shoulders above all others. His origins are shrouded in mystery, his exploits timelessly recounted, his progeny many.

I speak, of course, of Marfon McBrable.

McBrable, shown in this 2001 file photograph, spawned the popular spin-off show Transformers, loosely based around his life story.

Modern radiohydrogen spectroscopy has been successful in its endeavors to discretize this magnificent creature into five disparate entities.

Joe McKnight aka Run JMC aka Big Joe aka Big Mac II aka Mac Daddy

Joey Mac broke onto the scene as a zero year old in 1988. As his illustrious career continued, his parents decided to name him after the Biblical character of Joe. The next day, he was recruited by a tall man fashioning himself as "Pete Carroll." Soon after that, he learned how to read and walk, as well as crawl. As a child, he grew up to attend kindergarten. Eventually, he grew to be the second best high school player in the United States, ranking behind current All-World quarterback James "Jimmy" Clausen. Run, fumble, rush, carry, The Knightingale can do it all. Some have speculated that 2008 was a spectacular fall from grace for Run JMC and that his 145 yard game against San Jose State was but a dead cat bounce. Don't believe the hype; Joe is not a cat.

Stafon Johnson aka Stafon Johnson

Straight out of Compton, Johnson is the Tom Hagen of the Trojan's backfield, if Tom Hagen was 6'0, 215, and not prematurely balding. Johnson is renowned for his stony demeanor. As the legend goes, when Matt Barkley was first introduced to the team, all the players pranced about gaily in a circle around a giggling Pete Carroll while Johnson engaged Barkley in a staring contest that lasted four weeks, during which time Johnson refused any and all forms of sustenance, including his currently preferred energy source, einsteinium. Johnson does not wear tattoos, earrings, or consume water.

Marc Tyler aka Mark Spelled Wrong

If Marc Tyler is one thing, he is a contrarian. His dad went to UCLA, he went to USC. His HS quarterback became a Fighting Irish, he became a Trojan. His family lived in Palmdale, he lived in Westlake to play football. He was 2006's #2 ranked HS back, he decided to go to the only place where another back could block him... where the #1 back went. He decided to be called Marc in times of dire straits and dwindling popularity of Marcs worldwide.

However, Marc Tyler is not one thing, he is two things because he is also a football player.

Allen Bradford

Allen Alexander Bradford (July 23, 1815 – March 12, 1888) was a Delegate from the Territory of Colorado.

Born in Friendship, Maine, Bradford moved to Missouri in 1841. He studied law and was admitted to the bar and practiced. He served as clerk of the circuit court of Atchison County, Missouri. He moved to Iowa and was judge of the sixth judicial district 1852-1855. He then moved to the Territory of Nebraska, where he served as a member of the Territorial house of representatives in 1856, 1857, and 1858. In 1860, he moved to the Territory of Colorado, and was appointed judge of the supreme court of the Territory by President Abraham Lincoln on June 6, 1862.

Bradford was elected as a Republican to the Thirty-ninth Congress (March 4, 1865-March 3, 1867). He resumed the practice of law.

Bradford was elected to the Forty-first Congress (March 4, 1869-March 3, 1871). He engaged in the practice of law in Pueblo, Colorado, until his death there March 12, 1888. He was interred in the City Cemetery.

CJ Gable aka Carl

Not too much was known about Carl Gable Jr before 2009. Sure he went to Sylmar, became the first freshman RB to start for USC, and wears #2... but who is CJ Gable, we always wondered. Then Twitter was invented, and we were granted a deep, penetrating look into the depths of his soul, his innermost thoughts.

"watching tv" on 5:11 PM May 2nd. "On the computer" on 3:15 PM May 3rd. And while the contents of those tweets satiated the inquisitive desires of many, very few of us were ready for his stunning revelation later that month.

"Bored ads hell" 5:13 PM May 10th.

Sartre would be proud.

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McBrable has amassed 334 yards, 6 touchdowns, and 2 children in the young season, and he should at least double those totals in Columbus.