Closing the Door on tOSU

This should be a Channel Flipper, but for SOME reason, nobody decided to broadcast the UW/Idaho game, so I wasn't able to watch it, let alone not watch it while watching other games. Instead, some final thoughts.
It seems like just the other day that USC beat Ohio State at the Horseshoe. Time really flies when you're having football fun! We've seen how people on the USC side are feeling, namely that Islamabad is happy, Plaschke needs to change his pants, and everyone else is like lol wut. But let's wrap up the whole Tostitos Presents the Ohio State Experience in 3D with a look at how the three most important tOSU contingents are dealing:

• The Buckpeople Faithful: Over at....Bucknuts....the investigatory journalists have, unfortunately, uncovered our big secret. The game was all thrown. His knee was down, Pete just handed a big wad of cash to the refs to make it all go away.

• Jim Tressel: Tressel is in the proverbial seat of heat. There's a lot of talk about his play calling, his Terelle Pryoring, and his vesting, in re: whether or not it should be at Ohio State for much longer. Tressel, though, could care less because he realizes these people are from Ohio. This gem:

  Tressel said he has received critical e-mails, but said the fans' poison makes him feel sorry for them."When I read some of them I feel terrible for them because there's no way they're happy," he said. "They've got to be some of the most unhappy people in the world, and I feel bad because we just made them less happy, and I hate to be a part of making someone less happy. I mean, they're already miserable."

• Greg Oden: My biggest regret regarding this game is that, in the end, it made Greg Oden sad. Look, I could care less about the Big 10, the Midwest, the state of Ohio, Ohio State, Terelle Pryor, etc. etc. But, I am sure that in some alternate reality Greg Oden and I are best friends, and am still holding out for the day when he shows up at my apartment and we make McFlurries and play blackjack. Greg was at the game, but took so long to post about it because he's "still hurt about what went down this past saturday." Although, if it's any consolation, at least he "had a good time eating." Greg I am sorry and you will be in my heart. Ronald McDonald says high five!

One non-USC related aside: A couple of guys, who you can sort of say are the intellectual grandfathers of Islamabad (although we have never met them and probably would be reduced to incoherent stutters if we did) are taking over Deadspin tomorrow. Wine shall flow from the streets and there will be great bacchanalia.

The Channel Flipper: tOSU Scouting Report

There are a lot of college football games on Saturdays! To expect someone to watch all of them and provide in-depth, insightful analysis would be crazy bones. Moreover, to expect someone to sit down and commit to watching one game, while Greg Paulus is out there hugging on the refs and Northern Iowa is trying to break the record for consecutive field goals blocked is dumb. Plus, I am nursing a broken collarbone while also being a licensed and practicing physician, meaning I must spend a lot of time rehabbing and performing routine biopsy procedures.

So instead, let’s look to next week’s game with some commentary of the Ohio State/Navy game based on half-watching the game amid channel flips, a few defining plays which I have extrapolated to the whole game, and what the media tells me to think.

-I’m not sure who this Terrelle Pryor fellow is, but I would be surprised if he were a highly touted high school phenom who waited months after signing day to announce where he would go to school while everyone cared. 200 all-purpose yards with 2 TDs is not bad, but I am not amazed! For the most part, he just went out and conventional-quarterbacked, not quarterback-of-the-futured, making things like this, well, par for the course in Columbus. Also, espn.com has a great feature called “Projected Stats,” in which they essentially take the current stats and multiply them by 12. Looks like a fun year for Buckeyes fans, considering that TP will throw 12 picks (3x last year), and get sacked NEVER.

-Wouldn’t it be funny if instead of calling saying the Ohio State O-Line, we said the Ohio State Blow-Line? Because they were not very good, is why! Navy was getting a lot of touches on Pryor, and, while he didn’t get sacked, he was doing a lot more scrambling than you write in the game plan for your scrambling quarterback. If the Blow-Line stays as holy as Tim Tebow next week, Everson Griffen, Galippo, and co. will go to town.

-So you can make the argument that Navy is a good team, running an interesting offense. Fine. You can also argue that Ohio State will get up for a big game against SC. Also fine. But can we at least TALK about the fact that OSU eked out this game because Navy decided to run the worst 2-point conversion play in the history of football, and Ricky Dobbs somehow assumed he could pass the ball through TWO free defenders and into the hands of his receiver who was COVERED. Navy basically was given the opportunity to tie the game, considered the outcomes, and then decided it would not be worth the ensuing hype and expectations to attempt a win. The Midshippeople (PC!) are as much responsible for the Buckpeople winning this game (analysis OF THE YEAR!) than an actual competent, performing OSU team.

Okay. I apologize for all of that. I’ll try to watch games better (I won’t) next week.